Unsolicited Advice

“To meet complaint with unrequested council earns for the advisor a fortune of hidden contempt" -- Greek proverb

Here's some unsolicited advice: check your own ego at the door before presuming to offer counsel to someone else. Telltale signs of a compromised ego on the part of the advice-giver include an increased feeling of power, disguised criticism, masked control, or grandiose self-perception. Heal thyself.

Even assuming the purity of the giver's intention, one needs to be conscious how the receiver might hear these "well-meaning" words i.e. I think you're inadequate and incompetent, and you require my superior knowledge and wisdom to move forward and, without my help and intervention, you are a helpless victim incapable of dealing with your own problems and, furthermore, I'm making it my mission to change you so that you fit into my ideal of who I think you should be instead of accepting you as you are.  

For some reason, pregnant women and mothers seem particularly prone to this unsought guidance as in this exchange: stranger approaches an obviously-pregnant woman in the grocery store and says, "I have only one word for you: epidural" to which the woman responds, "Thank you but we've already picked out the baby's name."

Okay, now forget all the above, and let's relax, jump in, and have some fun with unsolicited advice. Our first exercise will be pondering these sixty-eight pieces of advice put together by someone as a birthday present, one piece for each year celebrated (68 Pieces Of Unsolicited Advice). These thoughts, though unsolicited, were obviously delivered in a general, non-threatening, well-meaning way and motivated by the simple desire to initiate contemplation and discussion, right up our Member Monday alley. We'll perhaps share our knowing reactions to them.

Then, and only then, are we ready for the main event which is to provide some unsolicited advice of our own, this time to ourselves or, more precisely, our younger selves. What advice might you deliver to your younger version after so many years on the planet? (A collateral subject might also be what advice over the years have you found to have been not only foolish but, in retrospect, had probably been rendered for self-serving reasons?). What a perfect day-after-father's-day (or month after mother's day) present.

One example of late-stage wisdom I'd freely offer to my twenty-year-old self would be: stop acting as if others are always watching you, judging you, and evaluating you, for they (and this is not meant to sound mean-spirited) are more focused on themselves than they are on you. 

If only.